Thursday, August 27, 2009

Life Lessons

What I have learned after having children:

  • That labor and delivery is rarely, if ever, what it looks like on T.V.
  • That pregnancy can be exciting, nauseating, exhausting and wonderful all at the same time
  • That the smell of a newborn is the most intoxicating perfume known to mankind
  • That you can blink your eyes and your baby is no longer a baby
  • That you will wipe things down 187,00 times in one day and the blasted table is STILL sticky
  • That seeing your husband interact with your children makes him infinitely more attractive
  • That the sounds of whining are bad enough to make you wish you were deaf....or dead.
  • That binkies and sippy cups disappear into some kind of abyss never to return
  • That if, by some miracle, you DO find a rogue sippy cup then THROW IT OUT, it has probably grown appendages
  • That being covered in spit up, vomit, poop and urine no longer phase you but a spider running across the ground sends you screaming for your husband
  • Diaper genies, changing tables, wipes warmers and shoes for newborns are a colossal waste of money
  • That terrible-twos ain't got nothin' on Three
  • That toddlers and preschoolers are mini dictators
  • That a 3 year-old can manipulate impressively well
  • That you will never get tired of kisses from your children no matter how slobbery and slimy they are
  • That instead of getting annoyed by others' screaming children in a store or an airplane, all you are truly thinking is, "That poor, poor mother."
  • *That trying to do laundry or get on the computer or eat a sandwich or take a shower or go to the bathroom or lie down for two seconds or talk on the phone or read a book or watch a show or eat a sandwich or take a shower or go to the bathroom while your kids are awake is... IMPOSSIBLE
  • You WILL use your hand as a kleenex on more than one occasion
  • Leftover crusts of sandwich=lunch for mommy
  • Going grocery shopping ALONE is like a mini vacation
  • Unexpected snuggles make everything better even if you have had an awful day
  • That you will feel like supermom if you read your child more than three a ROW
  • That hearing your preschooler saying a prayer and giving thanks for trivial things will warm your heart and make you realize that you too should be grateful for "trivial" things
  • That motherhood is, at times, incredibly difficult but the rewards are never-ending
  • That the thought of something happening to your child will cause you to hyperventilate
  • That you will love your children so much more than you could have ever imagined


The Marsdens said...

Well said, couldn't agree more...except, I LOVE my changing table and use it multiple times a day!

Cristine Garrison said...

thanks for the pep talk :)

i think i'm a little scared to have kids now. haha.

Dave and Lorianne Flint said...

That was hilarious! How long did it take you to come up with those? I kept laughing and commiserating with you through each one. That's definitely a nice thing about motherhood, you're not alone in the madness!

Emili said...

I relate to each one of those too, all to well.

Bree said...

Well said. I don't have two kids or a three year old but I agree with most of the others!

Cindy said...

Oh man. I miss those girls WAY too much. Are you showing them a picture of me everyday so they won't forget me? You better be. Or else..

Lindsay said...

Didn't we used to make fun of Mom for eating Willie's crusts for lunch? I do the same now.

I just had a mini-vacation tonight. Even while sick, it was still quite peaceful.


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