Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas Vacation

It would have been a lot funnier if it had not completely grossed me out.

This morning as I was getting ready I heard quite a commotion in the kitchen.  Thinking Munchkin was tearing into some treats I walk right past her and hear squabbling.  Squirrelly squabbling.  And it was IN the kitchen.  I’m sitting there freaking out, thinking at first there are rats in my cabinets.  Then I realize it’s a squirrel.  And I’m having a heart attack trying to to decide what I should be doing at this point. Open the cabinets and risk getting attacked?  Leave him in there to die and stink up our house? 

So I called my husband instead.  He came home, opened the cabinets and figured out the dang animal was stuck in the oven vent.  We called pest control and he came over right away, drilled open the vent and tried to fish him out.  No luck.  So he threw some moth balls into the top of the microwave, set a trap and duct taped the cabinet shut.  “Call me if you hear the trap go off.”


Fast forward to a few hours later, the girls and I walk in the door after dinner (husband was at a movie with his Dad) and Diva with eyes as big as saucers spots him first.  He’s in our Christmas tree chattering away.  Not kidding.

What in the HELL do I do now??

I shoo the girls into their rooms and call my neighbors in because, “THERE IS A SQUIRREL IN MY HOUSE!!”

We open the doors and they chase the little rodent up the bookshelf, the curtains, the kitchen, the counter, back to the tree, behind the couch and finally out the door.

Oh my gosh.

Not to mention he left some wonderful treats behind.

I spent the next hour sanitizing the crap out of my house.




Tuesday, December 20, 2011

That one time we brought a rat to a party…

The husband and I have made it somewhat of a mission to bring the most random/hilarious white elephant gift to any party we’re invited to at the end of the year.  And let me tell you…they are awesome gifts.

First time, three years ago, the awesome gift was unintentional. 

It was a fondue set.  Booooring right?  I know.  But it was a fondue set from our wedding.  It was a fondue set from our wedding given to us by the husband’s grandmother on his dad’s side.  Follow?  We thought, well we’re never going to use this (who has time for fondue??) so we wrapped it up and lugged it to our first white elephant party as a married couple.  (Really we had been married 5 years at this point…WHY HAD WE NOT BEEN INVITED BEFORE??)

So.  It comes to the moment when someone chooses our gift. Nobody knows who brought what because it’s funnier that way.  My friend who happens to be sitting next to me picks up our gift, unwraps it and eyes the box.  Not believing it really is a fondue set she opens the box and the very first thing inside was a card.


In my hurriedness to wrap the gift and call it good I had completely failed to inspect it to make sure it was free of re-gifting evidence.  THAT CARD.  A card I hadn’t read since the day I got home from my honeymoon and furiously tore into my future kitchen supplies.

Apparently I had opened the fondue set, thought it was mildly interesting, skimmed the card and put it back in the box.  And I had totally forgotten it. Until now.

Everybody listened intently as my friend reads the card and all the while I’m trying to grab it from her in hopes that I think she’s a idiot and didn’t see it in the first place.

It was a sweet, heartfelt card written by Grandma Bingham, congratulating us on our wedding and wishing us all sorts of sweet thoughts for our future. 

And then someone asks (in the midst of an uproar of laughter), “Wait wait wait…is Grandma Bingham still alive?”

Husband and I, blushing immensely hang our heads.  “No.”

More laughter, but in an Oh My Gosh Poor Grandma Bingham and Her Forgotten Fondue Set sort of way.

Shame on us. 

We never lived that down. 

Next year we had to come up with something even more memorable. 

Cue the rat. <---one of those guys.  A cute black and white little creature we bought for nine dollars.  We kept him in his traveling box, gave him some cheese and carrots and lightly wrapped him up.

It was hard to keep a straight face.   After ten or so gifts had been chosen, someone finally chooses Mr. Rat.  And wouldn't you know it was our friend, Elise who has five boys who would LOVE a pet rat. But I saw the dilemma in her face.  She was too sweet to admit it but there was no way in hell she wanted to keep it.  And neither did we.

So late that night she and her husband let him go (after asking PetSmart to take him back!).  Domestic he is no more.  Actually, he’s probably dead.  Or maybe he joined some rat posse or is breeding outside of his class.

This year we realized we had to keep the funny and forget the live animals.

So we brought these:


Undies.  Built for two. Four leg holes. You get the idea.

Moral of this story? There is none.  We just like White Elephant parties.

And fundies.

Thursday, December 15, 2011


IMG_0140 IMG_0154

Looks like the dusting elves missed my house.  Slackers.

Some call it fibbing, lying, or perhaps maybe prepping your child for a lifetime of disappointment and depression.

I call it magic.

The little Elf, named Elfy (very, VERY original) is the newest member of our family and it has been wonderful. I cannot tell you how delightful it is to watch Diva’s eyes sparkle when he’s moved to a different location, or how she has precious conversations with him after school.  I love the way she she is so extremely careful NEVER to touch him and asks me if I can hold him for her so she can get a closer look.  She asks him silly questions and waves to him from the other room.  It’s priceless I tell ya.  Absolutely priceless. 

I want my kids to believe in magic.  They’ll grow out of it soon enough and I’ll be darned if I ever deprive them of that childhood rite of passage. 

Munchkin is aware of Mr. Elfy but it’s more of a seehowmuchIcanannoymysisterbypretendingtotouchElfy kinda thing.  Her magic will come next year no doubt.  I can’t wait. 

Bonus?  Diva has been an absolute angel.  But that’s only the icing on the cake.

Click here if you don’t know what the crap I’m talking about.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Just have to…

She looked so cute today I just had to snap a few.  And bonus was that she did this all herself.  From the boots all the way up to the headband and randomly placed ponytail.  I love this girl’s fashion sense! 

She’s doing so well in school and is loved by all her friends.  The other day she informed me that a boy in her class doesn’t behave very well. 

“Yeah Mom, he’s a bucket dipper.”

*me trying not to laugh*.  “A what?”

“A bucket DIPPER.”

“Are you a bucket filler?”

“Yes, every day!”

Atta girl!

Speaking of school…don’t tell the girls but I’m having Diva ditch get sick on Friday so the in-laws can take them to Disney on Ice.

It’s going to blow.their.minds.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Feelin’ it.

We’ve been getting into the holly jolly spirit.


And just FYI….if you give my girls a glass fairy ornament, they WILL play with it and WILL break off her wings and her foot and her leg.  Poor thing.


Tonight for Family Home Evening we watched the following video and discussed with the girls the true meaning of Christmas.  It’s so important for them to know why we celebrate during this season.  It’s not about Santa or presents or treats.  It’s about Him and the ultimate Gift of Life. 

I wish I could embed the video but for now, if you haven’t seen it, click on the link and enjoy.  There are others as well. 

A Gift to the World

P.S. I’m not feeling the comment love lately.  I mean c’mon that’s why I blog DON’T YOU KNOW?!  All you stalkers.  I know you are out there.  Don’t leave me hangin. 

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Dance Dance

It’s that time of year again!

Tutus and glitter and tapping and ballet and a crapload of makeup (even for an adult.)

Today was Diva’s dress rehearsal.  And seriously, their dance is hard.  I have a hard time trying to follow along with just my eyeballs, I can’t imagine what’s it like to actually dance the thing.  I think their teacher was a little overzealous.  But they are cute nonetheless!


Oh I hated putting this makeup on her.  And even though I took her pictures I just kept thinking, “I can’t wait to clean this garbage off her face!”  I don’t like that crap altering my little girls’ already perfect, innocent little features. 

And wipe it off we did, as soon as we got home.  I just have to do it all over again next week!  Blah!

Monday, December 5, 2011


‘Tis the season for gingerbread houses. 


I’m no fool.  I buy kits.  I mean c’mon, can you really see me slaving away in the kitchen making gingerbread house dough that will eventually become stale and be thrown away?  Exactly. 

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Dad and Papa were into it.  Maybe more so than Munchkin.  No really. 




Okay, they DID let her put on some decorations. 




And done!   Kids just make everything more exciting.  Well except for Dr.’s visits, and road trips. And restaurants.  And museums.  And…..

okay I’ll stop.

But really, everything else having to do with warm holiday memories…yes!


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