She's getting married...

Well...you know...eventually.

Diva occasionally likes to talk about her wedding. And every time she does it turns out to be a pretty funny conversation:

Diva: "Mommy, am I going to get married?"

Me: "One day, yes but not for a long LONG time."

Diva: "Well, WHEN am I going to get married?"

Me (quickly trying to think of an acceptable age): "Um...24?"

Diva: "NO! WHEN am I going to get married?"

(apparently I'm not understanding her question)

Me: "Uh...um..I don't know?"

Diva: "*BIG SIGH* NO NO NO!...WHEN?!"

(I then realize she's probably trying to say...WHO)

Me: "Oh you mean...WHO are you going to marry?"

*Success!*

Diva: "Yes! Who am I going to marry?"

Me: "Well who do you want to marry?"

Diva: "Am I going to marry a man?"

Me: " Please!"

Diva: "I'm going to marry Ethan!" (little boy in Sunbeams)

Me: "That sounds great! What kind of food are you going to have at your wedding?"

Diva: "Chicken and rice and broccoli and soup."

Me: "Wow that sounds yummy!"

Diva: "And lollipops! Wait...no...just one lollipop...for ME!"

And you're all invited! Just don't expect any lollipops.

Aren't comics supposed to be funny?

Because this one really makes me want to cry.

Zits

By Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman

Watch your little ones...

....at least, when they are around HER.

Would you believe that this one....

...is a bully?

Sadly it's true. She beats up kids. She scratches, sometimes bites, pushes, pulls hair and threatens (of course as much threatening as a 22 month-old can do). It doesn't matter if you are bigger or stronger, faster or meaner. She'll still try to get you.

The daycare workers at the YMCA try to break it to me gently..."We had a little bit of a problem with her today." What they really want to say is, "Your kid is kind of a brat, we wish you wouldn't bring her."

At McD's play place the other day as I was gabbin' away with some friends, a woman came over and politely (seriously, she was way too nice about it) told me that my daughter had been hitting and pushing her slightly younger little boy. I was a bit ashamed. I was that mom with that kid. The mom that wasn't paying attention. The kid that bullies other kids. I rectified the situation and went back to my gabbing but kept a close watch on her. Not even ten minutes later she pushed a little girl down the slide. No, not the friendly kind of push. She shoved her down the slide.

The result? Blood. Yup, that little girl hit her lip and bled. My daughter apparently wants to start a toddler fight club.

YahoOOoooo!

Okay, can someone please explain this picture to me? I see it all the time and I wonder why they decided to advertise what looks like a grandmother hugging her seriously ticked off grandson. It looks like he wants to punch her. And I love the line, "See updates from people who matter.."

Sorry to break it to you grandma but I don't think you matter to this kid.

Fashionista

Every single day...no wait...every minute of every single day Diva is in dressed in some sort of princess garb. I am truly not exaggerating. Ask any member of my family.

And this includes sleeping. Yes, she wears them to bed. I practically have to beg her to wear clothes underneath. Some of these dresses are quite scandalous. Who makes these things anyway? Are these people aware that toddlers and preschoolers are their sole demographic? Look, I know Ariel, Jasmine and Tinkerbell are leading the pack in royal (and fairy) immodesty but it doesn't mean all play dresses need to follow their example. Look at Snow White, sweet, naive, silly Snow White. She's got the modesty thing together. Living with seven short men? That's another thing entirely.

Tangent over. So it's been very cold here lately. VERY cold. Put on a beanie, gloves and heavy coat kind of cold but this means nothing...nada...to the Diva. It could be a crazy blizzard outside and she would insist on wearing nothing but a princess dress. Now I know how to pick my battles and I will do anything to avoid getting into it with my feisty 3.5 year old but tonight I was having none of it. She was wearing a dress much like the one pictured and weather.com tells me it is 45 degrees outside. Forty-five!! Now to some people that might feel like Hawaii but to us it might as well be Antarctica.

So we were heading out to get some food and before we wander into the restaurant I hand a sweatshirt to Diva and explain to her that it's very cold and she needs to wear it to keep her warm. Common sense! Oh the meltdown that ensued. I might as well have asked her to put her dress in a shredder!

Over and over again she shouted, "I WANT TO BE COLD! I LIKE TO BE COLD! I WANT TO BE COLD!" How in the heck do I argue with that? So I didn't. I just put the sweatshirt on over her head and over dress and took her out of the car and all the while the screaming continued. I'm pretty sure 90% of the people in the parking lot were thinking she was being tortured but I have mastered the "Serenity Now" look and I don't give a hoot what strangers are thinking anyway.

While waiting for our food I notice Diva looking at herself in the reflection of the glass doors. She was turning every which way and I could almost feel the thoughts running through her head...."This sweatshirt looks absolutely atrocious."

As soon as we got back into the car she ripped that sweatshirt right off and was probably hoping that none of her princes saw her in such ridiculous, pedestrian clothing.

Good luck to those princes.

A confession and a look-alike

I have a confession. Today was Stake Conference. No that's not it. Today was Stake Conference and we didn't go. Honestly I have several excuses up my sleeve; Diva was sick yesterday, the kids were tired, it was going to rain, I would have spent the whole two hours chasing Lil' Sis' around, I was sore from Pilates two days before, I wanted to stay home and read Yes Man...etc but they're all a bunch of crap. We just didn't want to go.

So what did we do? We took the girls to the park.

And made them work out.

Moving on...

Lil' Sis' has odd hair. It grows only in the back, never in the front thus giving her a permamullet. I cut it and it just grows right back. What's up with that? I blame it on the hubby. She clearly has more of his genes than mine so...it's his fault.

So the other day I cut the permamullet...again.

Hubby so lovingly tells me she now looks like Elroy Jetson. Who? Yeah, that kid on that one cartoon show that aired like a million years ago but ironically was set in the future.

I thought no WAY does she resemble him. Then I googled. And then I giggled.

He's right.

Say it ain't so

It's happening. Aliens are taking over Lil' Sis's body.

Oh the sweetness.

It's troublesome.

She's throwing fits, sprawling out on the ground, tossing her food, telling me, "NO," not sleeping well, not taking naps, screaming at me, getting mad about not doing things herself and just downright grumpy.

I knew this was coming. I can't stop it. I have to go with it, reach in and dig out my coping mechanisms and brush up on my survival skills. I once read that a few months before they actually turn two is the peak of the terribleness. Seems to be true. Don't worry, we'll get through it. Lots of park days, lots of praying and lots of chocolate.

However when three comes along I'm building a bunker.


Speaking of....

Yup. Still in that dress. Don't worry. It gets washed. Occasionally.